Final Fantasy IX is the secret best entry in the series. I remember being floored by the might that was Final Fantasy VII, my first RPG, and then I was let down by Final Fantasy VIII. Having not played any of the actual classics at this point aka everything before Final Fantasy VII, I was over the moon when I saw Final Fantasy IX was dialing itself back to its roots. This meant it was going to be my first chance to experience that magic. I know a lot of people weren’t happy about it including some of my high school chums. After the progress Final Fantasy VII made, it felt like a betrayal to go old school again. To me, this argument was the same as people whining about The Legend if Zelda: The Wind Waker being too kiddy with its cel-shaded graphics.
Well, I think history has proven those naysayers were wrong on both accounts, as both of these games hold up incredibly well especially compared to other iterations in each respective series. Anyway, all I’m trying to smugly say is Final Fantasy IX is fantastic. When I ranked each game last year I placed it at number three. That said depending on my mood any one of those top five could be interchanged in my mind. They’re all so good. You know what else is good about Final Fantasy IX? These twenty-five comics. I know what you’re thinking. Tristan, you’re the master of transitions. Thanks, and now for the jokes!
25 Room Service
Julia Lepetit made this comic for Dorkly. Most games don’t chastise you for taking treasure, but there are several instances in Final Fantasy IX that do. It has nothing to do with this comic, but it did make me feel guilty and self-conscious going forward in RPGs. Should I take gold underneath someone’s mattress? No probably not. There’s bound to be some better reward later down the road if I don’t. Shops are a whole other ball game like this comic points out. Why do shops, and in this case Inns, have treasure chests? Doesn’t make sense if they are unlocked. It’s like you pay a small fee as an entrance to get a better reward. Poor innkeeper should have stashed his cash somewhere safer.
24 Now That’s Classic
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. Steiner is kind of a prude that you grow to love as he learns the error of his stuck up attitude. One of the better earlier examples of this is when he comes across a vendor selling pickles at a border. Every time I get to that scene I grow ravenous for pickles. The way they’re described makes me go crazy.
You can pickle anything.
Reading this comic brought back those memories so much so that I had to munch on some pickles while I wrote this. Seriously! Anyway, the panel is even better with the gross pun of Steiner giving his pickle to Garnet.
23 My Horn Grows For You
Celtycki on DeviantArt made this comic. Final Fantasy IX dials back to the series’ roots in more ways than one. Now Summoners were first introduced in Final Fantasy III and yes they were depicted with horns. Since then Square Enix has played fast and loose with Summoner lore with either having their characters have horns, or not. It’s never been a story thing until Final Fantasy IX though. They were a race of people and Garnet was one of them.
Zidane got horn blocked.
When she was adopted her horn was removed and yet she still holds the power to use Summon monsters. This is further touched upon when she finally meets Eiko. So that’s the backstory to this joke. Zidane is a little turned off by this, but that’s dumb. The guy with a tail shouldn’t be picky.
22 Dark Undertones
Kaysa on DeviantArt made this comic. The beginning of Final Fantasy IX is slow, but I love it. You technically start, as Zidane, but the game really doesn’t begin until you take control of Vivi. It then provides you with a wealth of options like playing cards, jumping rope, or participating in some other fun activity. And it also builds the world with its set of races and architecture. Eventually, you’ll run into Puck with almost this exact same exchange. I never thought about it at the time, but his comment about making Vivi his slave is a little unnerving. He is black after all. Not in the traditional sense of race, but it may be a cruel joke the developers threw in for a bit of dark humor.
21 Mystery Fantasy Theater 9000
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. Be honest. Have you ever successfully pleased 100% of the crowd during Zidane and Blank’s clash during the play? I’ve come close, but there’s always someone displeased even if I have perfect timing. Secondly this comic gives me an amazing idea. I’d play any Final Fantasy over again if it had Mystery Science Theater 3000’s crew come on to narrate my performance.
In the not too distance future…
I’m not exactly sure how that would work. Would they just do generic commentary during cut-scenes, or pop up with random dialogue during battle? I think it would be amazing if you got to schedule a time with them and they heckled you live while you played. That’s probably not the most viable idea, but it would be cool.
20 Swingers
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. I know the prison in Alexandria is huge, but what’s with the cage? Dangling someone in the air, with a cage attached to a chain, is just begging for trouble. Didn’t the engineers take Physics classes? If you rock something back and forth then eventually you’ll have enough momentum to move. Duh. That’s been covered in so many pieces of media although I doubt they have DVD players in Final Fantasy IX. Secondly wouldn’t you think the guards would hear the creaking? Once Steiner and Marcus crash a squad of literally nonstop guards will attack you, but all of that could have been avoided if they didn’t build that stupid cage. Just trying to help Alexandria.
19 Smooth Nightmares
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. When Final Fantasy IX was ported to mobile devices with a fresh HD coating I was disappointed. Where was the PS4 version of the game? Finally, it shadow dropped during Sony’s Tokyo Game Show event. It looks even better now, well, sort of. All of the character models have been smoothed over, giving the polygonal art more detail. This makes some characters way creepier though.
Cinna is the eater of souls.
Cinna, as this comic brings up, is a fine example of a former hero that will now give you nightmares. On the downside, besides that, the CG pre-rendered backgrounds now look blurry by comparison. The character models practically pop out of the game like they’re on a green screen set, or something.
18 Rodent Issues
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. Remember what I said about fighting in cities? See the game’s narrative is centered on war. Sure many Final Fantasy games and RPGs, in general, are about wars, but this time we get to see the destruction of a world first hand via Alexandria’s thirst for power. They lay waste to at least three places by my count. It really makes you feel the impending doom of battle. One of these places is Burmecia, a land ruled by anthropomorphic rat people. They practically commit mass finales on that entire race. It’s a grave plot to follow juxtaposed next to nonchalant attitudes like ones found in this comic. Where is the hard-hitting journalism in the world of Final Fantasy IX?
17 Veev’s Nuts
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. This comic is simple and yet so elegantly hilarious, but only if you’ve played the game. There’s a special scene where you can swap too wherein Vivi is looking around a merchant shop in Lindblum. He sees some nuts and gets mesmerized by them. If he was Shepherd from Mass Effect I’m sure he’d make a great sales pitch. Something like, “I’m Vivi and this is my favorite store in Lindblum.” That’s why the billboard is so funny to me. Why is Vivi trying to advertise nuts? Who knows? Maybe at the end of the game Vivi really did make a nut shop. There’s a bunch of little Vivis running around at the end so some nuts were involved. Wink.
16 Metal Frog Solid
Littledigits on DeviantArt made this comic. I have to agree with our author here. This might be the scariest point in Final Fantasy IX. No wait I mean it’s the most frustrating point. So the Regent of Lindblum gets transformed into a frog. His former love, Hilda, cast a spell on him so that he may walk the earth as a frog because she thought he cheated on her.
“That does it, ribbit!”
You get to play as him in a brief section of the game wherein he has to steal some keys to free the party. This mini game is sort of like red light, green light. When the monster’s back is turned you can walk and when he looks you have to freeze otherwise Cid gets too scared and hops away. It’s pretty silly.
15 Yummy
Alex Di Stasi made this comic for Corpse Run Comics. Another character that looks completely bizarre and creepy in the HD edition is Quina, which isn’t exactly the topic at hand, but I wanted to throw that one anyway. So at heart Quina is a Blue Mage, which is to say he/she can learn abilities from monsters. How? It’s sort of like Pokémon. First you have to battle a monster, weaken it, and then Quina can attempt to eat it. If he/she does that monster’s skill is now acquired. Not every monster has an ability to learn, but Quina can eat almost anything he/she comes across. That’s got to wreak havoc on the breath especially with raw food. I hope they have Pepto-Bismol in Final Fantasy IX.
14 What’s Under There?
ShiSeptiana on DeviantArt made this comic. Ever wonder what’s really under Vivi’s hat, or a Black Mage’s in general? I know I made a joke about Vivi being black before, but that can’t really be what he looks like. Yeah, they have a cool design what with their steeple-hat and glowing yellow eyes in a shroud of darkness. There has to be more to it than that though.
Is that like his sorting hat?
Are they just animated corpses like this comic suggests? In the game, Vivi’s brethren are manufactured and shipped in coffins. Maybe Alexandria is harvesting the fallen after every big battle they wage. Makes you think now, doesn’t it? I still want to know what’s under that hat though. I guess we’ll just never know.
13 Womanizer
Celtycki on DeviantArt made this comic. Zidane is a typical rogue archetype. He has a quick tongue, enjoys adventure, and loves the ladies even more. So much so that it is implied that he once slept with Freya when they meet at a bar in Lindblum. The game exchange is kind of awkward, as he doesn’t remember her name. Was it a one-night stand that went bad, or was this just a funny scenario to get you to enter her name? That’s to be decided but rest assured other observations are made about Zidane’s scandalous past. It took Garnet’s good nature to break his Playboy ways. That’s what you can assume anyway. Here’s something else you can assume. I bet he uses that tail in bed.
12 A Convenient Wedding
Marielitaaa on DeviantArt made this comic. This part of the game felt like a crazy anime plot that had been done numerous times before. Uh oh, the couple you don’t know is going to fall in love has to get married before they actually end up together. You know the drill. This comic goes a bit further. They say you’re not really married until the night. How is anyone going to know that? I guess back in the day the father of the bride had to … ah let’s not get into it. Marriage has definitely evolved is the point here. That said, this old-school mentality works in Zidane’s favor to finally have an excuse to lay with Garnet. For Alexandria!
11 Pokémon Fantasy
Pikaripeaches on DeviantArt made this comic. You can’t help, but smile at this sibling rivalry. Yes, Kuja is a bad guy, but was raised poorly by Garland. Plus there’s that weird Deus Ex Machina robot lord that controls fate. Yeah, that was weird. Point is there’s sort of a sibling rivalry that grows between Kuja and Zidane. By the end it seems like Zidane forgives him and even tries to save his life.
“I won’t lose to you, freak!”
I’d like to think those two moved on in another life to be better brothers. You know like instead of smashing each other with blades and laser beams they settled their differences with games like Pokémon. How adorable is that? I bet they both love Primeape.
10 Choco Break
jill-calico on DeviantArt made this comic. This one-panel comic is short, but sweet. It tells everything it needs to beautifully. I don’t know about you, but I loved this Chocobo mini-game. It’s my favorite in the series. First of all, Zidane befriends a single bird so a connection builds there instead of picking up random fledglings. You also help it grow and evolve by uncovering these mystery plates that will reward vigilant players with awesome treasure. It’s a lot of fun is what I’m trying to say, but it can get frustrating and tedious depending on your sleuthing capabilities. Choco doesn’t get tired in the game, but I always did feel bad overworking him like this comic illustrates. Choco is a good boy!
9 Smoochie Boochies
Tim Carillet made this comic for Creative Uncut. Do you often look at a pretty girl, or guy doesn’t matter, and think about their parentage? How did he or she come out of that thing looking like a Spring flower? That was my thought exactly when I saw Garnet next to Queen Brahne. The only thing that rivals her darkened eyes is Cinna, whom I already discussed in displeasure.
Plant a nice big wet one on her cheek for me.
Like him, she too looks more horrifying in HD. If I got a secret Valentine from her, well, let’s just I wouldn’t be alive the next day. That’s not necessarily an ugly, or fat joke either. I think she’d just eat me plain and simple.
8 The Hunting Festival
Fyeahff made this comic on Tumblr. I loved competing in Lindblum’s Hunting Festival. It’s not often you get to battle in a game’s major city. In the case of Final Fantasy IX, you get to fight a lot in towns. Kind of a cool setting compared to dungeons, forests, and open plains. Aesthetics aside, it took me awhile to perfect my combat skills enough to win in the tournament.
I bet all my money on black…mage.
You have to know the right route in order to get the most points. It may seem silly, but the reward is definitely worth it especially early at that point in the game. I always got more heated when I saw rival names pop up. It gave me the incentive to push forward.
7 A Few Too Many
Catie Rowley made this comic on Tumblr. Who doesn’t love a good pun? Truthfully this comic really has nothing to do with any kind of inside joke from Final Fantasy IX. I guess you could say it plays off of Amarant’s inability to talk to people in a non-awkward way. He’s pretty blunt as he was raised to be a mercenary assassin. I doubt he’d make a joke like that to Freya. He’s a bit too stone cold for puns. Whether he would, or not is irrelevant anyway. I just love the joke along with depicting Freya too drunk that she can’t defend herself. In a way this panel plays off of opposites. That is to say Freya is also a bit too stuffy and serious. Alcohol makes for better conversations between two people normally unaccustomed to everyday chats.
6 Where Do They Go?
Typthis on DeviantArt made this comic. Here’s an RPG trope that snacks on my brain when I play these things. Where do you keep all the items? No one has a backpack in Final Fantasy IX. Logically it doesn’t make sense, but that’s a question I never care that much about. If I were limited to what a normal person could walk with, well, it would make for a lamer game.
The infinite space of hunger.
In the case of Final Fantasy IX, there is a probable solution as this strip points out. What if Quina has a stomach set aside for item storage? It already doesn’t make sense that he/she can eat monsters in one gulp. Must have a black hole in there. That’s a pretty solid theory right?
